


It’s what I deserve

by eggypotter



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, Brotherly Love, Gay Panic, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kyoto Saga, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Rin just needs a hug, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Yukio cares about Rin, just pure bois, none of that weird insest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2020-01-24 13:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18572692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggypotter/pseuds/eggypotter
Summary: Rin is fed up with his training, it’s difficult and he doesn’t see it’s importance. Even so he still gets frustrated every time he loses control of his flames, so instead of seeking support he turned to the blade.





	1. Demon bites

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I just felt like writing this, I’ve been reading a lot of fics based around depression and self harm because I am a low-key (high-key) emo. Anyway enjoy this dumpster fire.

-Rin-

Training fucking sucks!

I mean, what’s the point in lighting these stupid candles anyway? And why is it so difficult to light them? The real question is why can’t I control my power, it’s mine isn’t it? So why can’t I do it?! This all happened because I used my power against that demon in front of everyone, I’m such a dumbass! What was I thinking? Yeah show a tonne of Exorcists in training that I’m Satan’s son. It may been the best option at the time but I should of thought first. Stupid freckled four eyes is right sometimes, I’m just so-

“Hey! You focusing or what?” Shura yelled from across the room, snapping my attention towards her.  
I growled in frustration and my flames flared up again engulfing all the candles in blue light. I sighed, letting the flames die down. I grabbed the pen that was surprisingly still in tact and drew a tally on my leg, I’ll have to sort that out later.  
“Now I am!” I yelled back focusing back on the three candles lined up in front of me. ‘Ok let’s do this,’ I thought, hovering two hands over the candles. I shut my eyes and repeated ‘only the ones on the ends’ over and over in my head. I felt the warmth of the flames and opened my eyes. Fire was surrounding me in a circle, I sighed and started again, noting another line on my leg.

When I got back to the dorm I was fairly sure Yukio was out. I walked to the bathroom and went inside, I looked for the freckled four eyes then shouted, I’m going for a shower, don’t come in!” I turned the water on and dug through one of the cabinets. I pulled out a small silver blade and carried it carefully towards the shower. The tally on my legs had added up to 32.  
“It’s going to be a long night,” I sighed stepping into the warm water. I clenched my jaw and ran the blade along my wrist  
1...2...3...4…  
In some ways being Satan’s son is useful, the cuts heal quicker and don’t leave scars, makes it easier to hide it.  
12...13...14...15…  
I cut in the shower because even if I do heal quick, I still bleed and the blood doesn’t disappear, so I make sure to rinse it away, don’t want Yukio finding out. It’d just make him worry  
21...22...23...24!  
I let out a small cry of pain, I must of cut a bit deep. Oh well, it’d heal.  
28...29...30...31...32.  
I watch as blood pours down my arm and gradually gets washed off by the water, it’s kinda funny that it’s satisfying, but it is. The deep red of the blood getting invaded and lightened by the translucent liquid. My sliced skin was healing already and it wouldn’t be too long until it was completely healed. After the blood is washed off, I scrub the rest of my body. When I finish in the shower I dry myself off then get dressed. This has been my routine for one or two weeks now, ever since the hearing and my stupid new training started I’ve been getting so frustrated and not even my flames can help me overcome it.

I walk in a slouch back over to my room, Yukio is in there. I wave slightly to him then dive in by bed and close my eyes, this training is going to be the death of me.

-Yukio-

I know my brother’s been harming.

His demonic power might be able to heal his wounds quick but I know. Multiple times I’ve found bits of blood splashed around the shower and razor blades bluntened, even though I know neither I or Rin shave. Honestly, he thought he could hide it from me, he really must think I’m an idiot. The only thing is, I don’t know how to confront him about it. What do I say to my brother? If I say the wrong thing he could decide to end it all, and, although I don’t seem it, I really worry for him, but I’d never say that. So I decided, for now to take away the blades, just until I get advice on how to help him, we are the same age after all.

-Rin-

Great, the day when I properly lose control is the day when I can’t find the blades.

I really hurt my friends, and not just physically. We hadn’t really been on speaking terms since the whole incident and I wish they’d just listen. But today I blew that chance, I know I saw a demon behind Konekomaru, but now everyone thinks I went after him for no reason! The looks on their faces tore me apart, for that I should bump my cuts up to at least 50. So when I returned to find the razor blades missing I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t ask Yukio if he’d seen them because he knows full well I don’t shave. Either the freckled four eyes figured out what I was doing or they’d been misplaced. I growled in frustration and a small aura of flame flowed around me. I ended up running the shower as I searched for something to harm myself with. I then glanced in the mirror, my mouth slightly agape and I noted my fangs. I decided they’d have to do and I stepped into the shower.

-Yukio-

I arrived home earlier than usual.

After dumping my stuff in my room I figured I needed a shower. I’d done a lot of demon hunting today and I’m sweating up a storm. But as I arrived at the shower I heard groans of pain and then a demonic roar, but not just any demonic roar, Rin’s.

-Rin-

I lifted my wrist to my mouth and dug my left fang into the skin. Gah, that hurt more than usual. I kept going wincing from the pain and when I lifted my head the wound glowed and I started to scream. And then, soon enough, blue flames engulfed me. I continued to scream and hoped for the life of me Yukio wasn’t home or wasn’t going to be home for a while. I’m bleeding a lot here, so I grab into my arm and hold it tight

“Rin?!”

Shit shit shit shit shit! Yukio’s back! Crap! Stupid fangs, stupid Rin, stupid life. I wish I could tell my mom, whoever she was, that I didn’t want it. I’ve only caused pain and destruction, and as soon as I do find friends they reject me because-

“Rin, I’m coming in!”

Yukio then burst through the door and immediately came rushing over to me.

-Yukio-

I should of thought he’d find something else to harm with.

When I found Rin in the bathroom, he was clutching at his wrist and was slightly slouched against the shower wall. He had blood running down his lip and blood dripping from his wrist to his hand to the floor. He also had a strong barrier of blue flame flickering around him.  
“Stay back!” He warned but I was already close to him. I grabbed the towel from the side and wrapped it around his wound. I only got to see it for a second but it looked deep.  
“Rin.” I sighed condescendingly.  
He looked up at me with an angry look on his face.  
“Calm yourself,” I muttered. I was calm for now, I don’t really think being mad will help Rin right now. Soon enough his blue flames died down.  
“We’re going to get that wrapped up,” I said tugging him away from the shower.  
“Hey! I’m still naked! And it’ll heal.”  
“No.” My short answer snapped Rin’s attention towards me, “You don’t learn a thing from class do you?”  
He grunted.  
“When a demon is bitten by another demon, the wound will not only take longer to heal but it also pains the recipient. This is because of the venom that is in the fangs.”  
Rin looked at me with his iconic clueless face and I decided to not waste anymore time and I dragged Rin to the bathroom.  
“Hey! I told you I’m naked!”  
“So? We need pressure on that wound as quickly as possible. And you can’t keep your hand on it forever.”

-Rin-

The cut got bandaged and now I’m sitting in silence two meters away from Yukio.

Although I knew he was trying to stay calm, if was clear from his eyes he was disappointed in me. Hell, he’s probably disgusted as well. Only stupid teenage girls cut themselves. Anyway, he managed to get me out the shower and bandaged up and called Shiemi to see if she had any herbs to help demon bites, so she’ll be coming over soon. This is just one big fucking shit storm that I could of avoided, if only I’d been smart enough to have some back up blades hidden somewhere, who am I kidding, I’m not that smart.  
My wound is stinging really badly.

-Shiemi-

Yuki called me at a really random time. I mean not that I don’t want calls from him during the day, but it was what he was asking for. The specific herb was for demon bites, had he been bitten? Anyway, I’d been asked to deliver it so I’ll probably find out what it was soon enough.

When I arrive at the dorms I meekly knocked on the door. Who will answer? Rin or Yuki?

-Yukio-

Shiemi was quick with the herbs.

When she knocked on the door I got up and looked over to Rin, “Don't you move. And you won’t find the blades anywhere, I destroyed them.”  
And with that I left.

-Rin-

I sat in silence for a minute. I thought about what I could do, I had another 49 cuts to commit but nothing to do it with and the fangs were a no-go. I looked down at the bandage, which has a slither stain of blood on it. I then looked at my hand, huh my nails are quite long aren’t they. I then carefully guided my nail along my skin and watched the crimson liquid seep out, 48 more to go.

-Yukio-

“Thanks again miss Moriyama!”

I returned to the lounge to find Rin digging at his skin with his nail. I sprinted over and pulled his arms apart.  
“What do you think you’re doing?” I yelled.  
“None of your business!” He yelled back, a flicker of blue flame sparking around his hair.  
I sighed and stepped back, I picked up the herbs miss Moriyama had dropped off and started preparing them. Rin has stopped gouging at his skin for now and just watched me, pouting.  
“Wrist out,” I muttered.  
Rin cursed out something under his breath, knowing him he was probably saying something like ‘freckled four eyes’ it was his favourite insult at the moment. I carefully unwrapped the wound pouring bits of water on it as it stuck to Rin’s skin. After removing the bandage I took the prepared banana leaf and mint mix and carefully applied it to the glowing skin. Rin winced.  
“Let it sit for a bit. I’m getting something to drink, pease, just don’t hurt yourself any more.” And I left.

-Rin-

Yukio is hurt.

Not physically, but the way he said ‘don’t hurt yourself’ was like he cared for me. Maybe he actually does? But he definitely wasn’t mad, maybe a bit disappointed but by hurting myself I hurt him. Crap, this makes me even more frustrated! How many other people will I hurt when they find out… oh yeah, I don’t have friends anymore. I slumped back and watched my wrist and the mixture, it tingled slightly but it took away whatever made it glow. I started to see a scar form, something that had never happened to me before. I guess this is what I deserve. Yukio returned with a half empty glass of water and sat next to me placing the water on the table. He grabbed he bandage and wrapped it around my wrist.  
“Hey… how long do I have to keep the bandage on?” I asked quietly.  
“24 hours,” He answered bluntly. Then there was an air of silence between us and then he asked, “Why did you do it?”  
“Do what?” I played dumb but I knew what he was talking about.  
“Why do you cut yourself?”  
I looked at him and studied his face then said, “I dunno. It’s punishment I guess.”  
“What for?”  
“Losing control of my flames.”  
Yukio nodded, “thanks for trusting me Rin.”  
Looked at him with wide eyes and nodded before looking away. I’ve caused him so much trouble.


	2. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suguro confronts Rin about his harming only to realise his growing feelings towards the other boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So omg I am so sorry it took so long. You probably stopped waiting for a new chapter XD. Anyway I’m back now from hiatus so I’ll try to post every week to two weeks. A lot has been going on (good and bad) so I’ve not really had time or inspiration to write, so yeah. Anyway, enough rambling and on with the fic (this chapter is really angsty, oh well)

-Rin-

He’s really making me go to school after what happened.

“Hey, don’t think that because you harmed yourself you can get the day off school.” He said when I asked about being excused.  
I groaned and stormed off, whatever.

That day as I entered the classroom everyone went quiet. I initially thought it was because of my arm but figured it was because of what happened yesterday with Konekomaru. Suguro was glaring daggers at me, Konekomaru was hiding, probably expecting me to attack again and Shima wasn’t smiling. Crap, I really hurt my friends, didn’t I?  
“Sit down Okumura,” Yukio ordered as he entered. I didn’t argue, why would I? There’s no point, I’ve hurt him enough.  
I sat next to Shiemi, she had an unreadable expression on her face. I leaned forward and rest my head on my hand.

“Ok so, seeing our upcoming test on demon wounds I decided to do some quick recap and then we will have a half an hour revision session.”  
I knew his gaze was upon me, serves me right for being the dumbass I am. Should of had back up blades.  
“A demon bite is…blah...blah…fatal...treated correctly…” I started to drown out Yukio’s voice and my eyes started to drift shut…  
“Okumura!”  
I sat upright.  
“Tell me what makes a demon’s venom different.”  
“It contains toxins that harm demons as well as humans or whatever.” I said bluntly, Yukio knew what he was doing.  
I then started to hear mumbling from the back of the class, my sensitive ears managed to pick up what was being said:  
“No way, Rin actually knew the answer.”  
“Quiet Shima, Mr Okumura will hear.”  
I glanced back, Suguro was still glaring at me but I noticed the glare was directed at the bandage around my wrist. Shit.

Once class was over I waited in the classroom for everyone to leave. I got a few judgmental comments as my classmates left but I ignored them. I looked up to notice Shiemi hadn’t left, the same unreadable look on her face.  
“What do you want?” I asked, voice barely above a murmur.  
“Umm… your wrist… were you bitten by a demon?”  
Damn she’s perceptive.  
“What makes you think that?” I tried to play the clueless card, but I knew it wasn’t very convincing.  
“Well… Yuki made an order to deliver yesterday and it was at a sort of random time and demon bites affect demons as well as humans so… I just assumed…”  
“Well you were right, no need to worry though, it’s been sorted.”  
She flushed red then ran out of the class. I rest my head on my desk and drift off.

-Suguro-

I didn’t think demons could self pity.

But I saw it for myself, Okumura has his wrist bandaged. That with the fact we went over demon bites even though we only did it a week ago and the fact he knew the answer just gives me more evidence. That dumbass, shouldering it by himself. I’m guessing his brother just found out, or caught him more like. Mr Okumura is smart unlike his brother, he would of figured it out. From what I know Rin has the ability heal quickly, so with regular harming he would be able to get away with it but he either lost his blades or wanted a harsher punishment. Rin didn’t know the answer from studying, he knew it from experience.

I lent back on my hands, I was sitting with Koneko and Shima but it was eerily quiet. Not even Shima was talking. I sighed and got back up, “I’m going to go back to the classroom to do some studying.”  
“Huh?” Shima looked up at me, “But you haven’t finished eating.”  
“Not hungry,” I said, reentering the building.

-Rin-

I felt a tap on my arm and stirred slightly.  
“Mnn?”  
I didn’t look up and kept my head in my arms.  
“Hey, it’s me.” I recognised Yukio’s voice, there was a kind tone in it. Unusual for him.  
“I’ve gotten you out of training, Miss Kirigakure is pissed though.”  
I grunted in appreciation. I’d completely forgotten about training, which was probably a good thing considering the recent events. I glanced up at him, he was smiling.  
“Ukobach made you lunch especially, promise me you’ll eat something.”  
I moved my head in a slight nod.  
“Well,” I felt his weight lift from the desk, “I’ll be heading out now, see you in class.”

Once I heard the door shut I lifted my head and peered into the bento box, it looked good. I took a whiff and it smelt ok too. I took a bite and didn’t recognise Ukobach’s signature taste. I realised then that Yukio had cooked it.

Damn that freckled four eyes.

-Suguro-

I’d overheard their conversation and it all makes sense.

Rin blames himself whenever he loses control, no wonder he used his fangs. Shit. I grasped at my wrist and walked in.

“Hey,” I said. I had no idea what to say, Koneko and Shima were the two who talked me out of harming, what would they say?  
Rin looked up, chin still on the desk, “Whadja want?”  
I took a nervous breath and grabbed my wrist tighter, “I know you’ve been harming.”  
Rin’s eyes widened in panic, the blue of his iris twinkled in the light. Were his eyes always this beautiful?  
“What gave it away?” The panicked demon cried.  
“It’s a shame we’re so alike,” I lifted my sleeve showing pale scars, they were fading day by day but they were still slightly visible.  
Rin took a second to realise, “Wait you-!”  
“Yeah, I blamed myself for what happened to Koneko's parents and all the other monks that lost their lives on the Blue Night. Not that I could do anything, I just thought it was what I deserved.”  
There was an air of silence then Rin stood up and grabbed my wrists.  
“Hey, that’s nonsense your spouting. There was no way you could have ever controlled that, whereas… I should… be able to…” his words trailed off into a mumble and he looked to the ground, grip loosening as he plonked back down on the chair.  
“Then do it!” I shouted, his attention snapped to me, “Control your flames; the way you’ll gain mine and everyone’s trust is by showing us you won’t hurt us. Stop wasting time self pitying and go out there and become the Exorcist you are destined to be!”  
Rin’s eyes were wide, then softened. He smiled and said, “I guess you are right.” His hand fell limp on the table, freeing mine of its warm, soft grasp. “Why have I been wasting time self-loathing and making people worry?” Rin then stood up and ran out the classroom.  
I rubbed the skin where he’d touched, he didn’t grab hard so it probably wouldn’t bruise, his hand was really soft too. I ran my fingers over my skin again until I stopped, hand halfway through the motion. Shit, no this can’t be happening.

No fucking way am I falling for the son of Satan.

-Rin-

I sprinted down to the training room and immediately grabbed the candles.  
Shura turned around and looked at me funny, “I thought you weren't coming to training today?”  
“Change of plans,” I said placing the candles in a row. I then knelt down in front of them and focused long and hard. I thought about what Sugaro had said and I concentrated. Soon the warmth of my flames enveloped me and I opened my eyes to see the ring of fire. I shook my head and the flames died down. I can't fail now. I lined up the candles again and thought,   
‘the way you’ll gain mine and everyone’s trust is by showing us you won’t harm us’. The words echoed in my head and an idea came to light. This time I pictured the middle candle as my friends and family and the end ones as demons. I concentrated again, then…  
Poof  
I opened my eyes to see two flickering flames on either side. I looked around me for any other fire then, when I couldn't see any, I sat in shock. Had I done it? Had I really done it?  
Shura walked over and smiled, “Well done kid.”  
I jumped up in excitement and exhilaration, “Does that mean I can begin sword training?” Before Shura could say anything my stomach growled, oh yeah I hadn't eaten anything.  
“Maybe some lunch first,” she chuckled.  
I smiled and went back to class.

-Yukio-

I heard from Rin that he’d controlled his flames. Although to everyone else that didn't seem like much, I knew it meant a lot to Rin, I’m happy for him. I just hopes this will stop him harming.

-Suguro-

Rin had an air of excitement that afternoon.

He didn't fall asleep in class and he had a bright aura around him. Too bright. I wanted to ask him about it but once the final bell rung he sprinted straight out the door. I’m sure Yukio will talk to him, don’t twins have psychic connections or something? I dunno. Anyway I realised that I find my sight drifting to the back of his neck and I sometimes think of kissing there as well. God, I am in too deep.

I’m crushing hard on Satan’s son…

-Rin-

Yukio had told Ukobach to cook a big meal that night.

The mood of the evening was great and I was the happiest I’d been in a long time. The thought of harming didn’t cross my mind even once. When I went to be I couldn’t sleep and in the morning I was still buzzing. I controlled my flames! I did it! I did because of Suguro… he helped me, how could I ever thank him? I’ll ask him in class today, that’s what I’ll do!

“Rin! Are you ready yet?”  
But I might want to get dressed first.

When I got to class everyone but Suguro was there. Ok, he’s probably just running late. But the first lesson went by and there was no sign of him. Second lesson was the test which I don’t think I completely failed. I didn’t see him at break, it wasn’t until fourth lesson until he turned up.

“Bon!” Shima cheered when he arrived.  
The class turned their attention towards him and smiled. Yukio asked him where he’d been and he just shrugged. He was kept in for detention at lunch. I decided to stay in at lunch too, I wanted to know what was going on so I pretended to be asleep.

-Suguro-

I’d hate to say I’m one of those people but I really am.

Just the thought of Rin made me think of Satan and what he did to us on the Blue Night and it had me reaching for the blade again. I don’t want to hate Rin, actually I want the opposite, but my stupid brain can’t see that. All the imperfections I tucked away long ago are rearing their heads and I can’t take it! So that’s why I’m late, I spent the entire morning self loathing and harming. I’m so light-headed I feel like I could pass out at any moment, I haven’t harmed like this in years.

“Suguro? I asked you why you were late.” Mr Okumura had kept me in for detention but I couldn’t concentrate on anything that was going on, my brain is pounding. Instead of giving a verbal answer I just shrugged as I did when I arrived this afternoon.  
“Look, I just want to know. You can tell me anything, trust me.”  
I knew he was referring to Rin but he didn’t know I knew about that. I just realised that Shima and Koneko are going to kill me when they find out what I’ve done to myself: I also just realise that Rin is sleeping beside me.  
“Can he go away first?” I ask nodding to Rin.  
Yukio turns his attention to his twin and sighs, “Rin, you should be at training right now. Did you forget you controlled your flames, you’re on sword combat now.”  
Rin quickly got up and left and an air of silence flowed around the room.  
“So?” Mr Okumura asked.  
“I- uh,” I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come out, “I overslept.”  
“Oh ok, just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

I think he knew I wasn’t telling the truth but oh well. I got up and slowly walked to the door, with overwhelming tiredness. When I wasn’t too far from it I started to feel my vision slipping, shit no, not now. Then as I left, I fell, the world fell black. I awaited impact from the ground but it never came, actually the landing was quite soft. Odd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so thanks for reading! Tell me what you guys want to see in the future and I hope to deliver. Also tell me what I could of done better, I want to improve my writing so yeah. Anyway thanks again for reading and have a good day!


	3. Recovery isn’t always a steady path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Yukio find out that Suguro had still been harming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I tried to make this a weekly thing but I get busy. For me my school term hasn’t ended yet so I have end of term tests to revise for. Once summer starts I think I should be able to get a chapter out each week. Anyways, on with the chapter.

-Rin-

So yeah, I was eavesdropping.

Of course I wanted to go to sword training but I was so worried about fucking something up I just stayed standing outside the door listening in on what was being said, which actually, wasn’t a lot. Suguro hardly said anything before leaving and Yukio didn’t stop him. When I saw him leaving I almost did too but then I saw him slip, luckily my reflexes were quick enough and I managed to catch him before he hit the floor.  
“Suguro!” I called out, but he showed no sign of stirring. Yukio immediately ran about to see what the commotion was about. He shot me a look as if to say, ‘what’re you doing here’ but immediately focused on Suguro.  
“Take him to our dorm, there’s plenty of beds and we couldn’t get him into his dorm anyway.” He ordered.  
I quickly obeyed carrying the limp boy, cradled in my arms. I didn’t bother finding a spare room (I’m fairly sure they’re bare anyway) I just took him to mine and Yukio’s bedroom and lay him on my bed. I didn’t care much or even think about my sleeping arrangements for tonight I just focused on the moment. I don’t know how long I sat there staring at his blank face, he looks so peaceful. His lips are slightly agape, I kinda wanna kiss them.

What am I thinking about! Suguro’s a guy, I like girls I can’t have a crush on him; I can’t want to kiss guys. I can’t be gay, can I?

-Yukio-

I knew something more was going on with Suguro but I knew interrogating him wouldn’t work, I needed to build up trust first. But I didn’t expect him to pass out.I told Rin to take him to our dorm while I got medical supplies. I’m qualified to do simple first aid so I hope it’s nothing serious. 

Once I have all the supplies I make my way over to our dorm, then I realise I have no idea what room he’s in.

-Suguro-

I had no idea where I was when I woke up.

I tilted my head and saw Rin at my bedside, tail wagging anxiously. When he saw me move his tail dropped.  
“Suguro!” He yelled.  
I winced, he was loud.  
“Oh, sorry.”  
“W-where am I?” I croaked.  
“You’re in mine and Yukio’s dorm.”  
“Ok.” I attempted to sit myself up but couldn’t find the strength to do so.  
Rin quickly kneeled up, “Don’t get up! Lie back down. You’ll strain yourself.”  
“I’m fine!” I argued.  
“Would a fine person collapse whilst leaving a classroom?” - He made a good point - “So would you cut the crap and tell me what’s going on?”  
I sighed, “If you help me take off my jacket I’ll show you.”  
He did as I commanded, gently sitting me up. Hands placed on my back and shoulder, his touch was so careful. Hell, his flames may kill people but his hands won’t. When my jacket was fully removed the blood stained bandages were visible. Rin turned to face me as soon as he saw them.  
“I thought you stopped…” he muttered.  
“I did too.”  
“So what happened?” He asked. Rin’s hands were still supporting me.  
“It was a lot of different things… my head was cloudy and the only way I could clear it was through the pain. I know I was the one supposed to help you through your harming but I guess I just broke.”  
“Look, man. Today I was waiting for you to turn up so I could tell you that what you said really helped me, I even controlled my flames.”  
“You did?” I don’t know if he’d already told me this, today has kind of been a blur, “I’m proud of you.”  
Rin smiled a bright smile, you could see how happy and proud of himself he was, my lips curled upwards slightly. My heart started pounding and I felt faint again. I nodded to his hand placed on my back, “can you lie me back down?” He obeyed, soon his tail swept back and forth on the floor, it was clear something was on his mind.  
“What’s-”  
“Did you harm because of me?” I looked down at Rin and he has his hand on his wrist, kept tucked in close to his shirt.  
“Not exactly… as I said it was-” But then I notice him digging his nails into his wrist, blood slightly staining his white shirt.  
“Rin I can see what your doing.”  
He flinched. “Sorry.” He muttered, slowly retracting his nails.  
We sat there in silence, many words going unsaid. Then Mr Okumura arrived.

-Yukio-  
I can’t believe I didn’t check our dorm room first.

When I arrived it was eerily quiet I noticed Suguro was awake, I also noticed a blood stain on Rin’s shirt. I can’t leave him alone for a minute. I’m scared I’ll have an angry outburst if he stays around so I asked him to make some food, if Ukobach will let him. And I checked over Suguro’s injuries. He didn’t lose so much blood that he’d need a blood transfusion but he did need a lot of rest. Thank god he was alright. I’m guessing Rin didn’t click that he’d put Suguro in his bed, he’ll just have to settle for a futon on the floor tonight.  
“Suguro?” I asked, wanting to fill the silence.  
“Mn?” He groaned.  
“You know you can talk to me; about, well anything that may be worrying you. I know you didn’t get those cuts from fighting demons. Look, I know we’re the same age but I am your teacher so in a way I’m responsible for you.”  
“I know.” He said almost immediately.  
“Trust me, I can deal with anything you throw at me, hell I live with Rin.”  
He weakly chuckled, “I guess you’re right, he is a pain.”  
The room fell back to quiet again.  
“But on a serious note, why do you do it?” My voice was deep as I said this.  
Suguro was quiet for a minute, appearing to be thinking about his answer, “I guess it’s a mixture of lots of different things and it’s difficult to get into.”  
“I understand, but if you ever want to get into it I’m here if you need anything.”  
“Thank you Mr Okumura.”  
“No problem.”  
A few seconds passed by before I heard a shout, “Yukio, could you open the door please.” Then a pause, “No wait I got it.”  
I sighed in the direction of the door as it opened.  
“I forgot I had a tail for a second,” Rin smiled as he walked in carrying a tray with two bowls on it.  
I sighed even louder. Then I got up and made for the door, turning back to Suguro to say, “Don’t worry about missed lessons, I will tutor you while you’re still healing.”  
I then walked past Rin, I tapped him on the shoulder and whispered to him, “I’m trusting you both not to harm while I’m gone, ok?”  
Rin nodded and I left.

-Rin-  
So I kinda eavesdropped.  
I didn’t hear everything, just the end bit, I didn’t want to burst in during their conversation. But in all honesty I don’t think it matters.  
“I made Katsudon!” I cheered.  
“You didn’t poison it, did you?” I couldn’t tell whether he was being serious because he was speaking in monotone.  
“Are you insulting my cooking? You haven’t even tried it.”  
“I’m just joking, I was saying that demons like to play tricks.”  
“Ugobach would be pissed if you heard you say that.” I offered Suguro his bowl and chopsticks, he sat himself upright with a growl of pain.  
“Don’t strain yourself,” I said worryingly.  
“I’m fine.” He took the bowl and chopsticks from my hand and started to eat, “this is actually pretty good.”  
I sat down on the floor next to the bed, “I know.”  
“Are all demons this good at cooking?” He asked.  
“From my experience only me and Ugobach are but I honestly don’t know about other demons.” I thought back to that time when Mephisto cooked for us and shivered at the thought of it. I ate my Katsudon quickly to get rid of the thought.  
“Who’s Ugobach? I’ve heard you mention him a few times now.” Suguro said after finishing a mouthful of rice.  
“Mephisto's familiar, he tends to do all the cooking around here.”  
There was an air of silence between us and then Suguro handed me his empty bowl and I placed with mine on the side. I looked down and noticed my still blood-stained shirt, ‘I should probably change that.’ Without a second thought I stripped off my current shirt and walked over to the wardrobe. Out of the corner of my eye I notice Suguro go red and look away, “do you have to do that here?” He cursed.  
“What do you mean?” I asked.  
“Like change your shirt here, couldn’t you go to a bathroom to do it?”  
I pulled on a fresh shirt and then I asked, “wait Suguro, are you gay?”

-Suguro-  
Shit  
“So what if I am?” I muttered.

-Rin-  
“I mean I’d support you-” His attention turned to me. “-I’ve actually been questioning my own sexuality and I’ve started to think I might be bi.”

-Suguro-  
I have a chance! Wait no this is bad.

-Rin-  
I yawned and glanced at the clock it wasn’t too late but I was exhausted. I then realised that I made the smart move of putting Suguro in my bed, well done Rin.  
“I’m off to get a futon,” I announced, “I'll be back in a bit.” And with that I walked off.

-Suguro-  
Idiot, idiot, idiot! I’m such a fucking idiot! Just because he’s bi does not mean he wants to date you: hell, I’m almost certain that he is crushing on Moriyama. I painfully lifted my arm and scratched, I kept on scratching until I could feel my grip on reality fading.

-Rin-  
When I got back Suguro had fallen asleep, or so I’d thought.

It was clear he’d scratched at his bandages until he passed out because of the position his arm was in. I sighed and made my futon up. I leaned over and replaced his arm by his side, I also tucked him in. And in the least creepy way possible I watched him sleep, his chest rising and sinking. I then looked away quickly, flushing red. 

What the hell am I doing?!

-Yukio-  
After class finished up Shima and Konekomaru stayed behind.

“What’s up?” I asked.  
“If you don’t mind us asking, do you know where Bon went to? The last time we saw him was at lunch when he stayed behind.” Konekomaru asked.  
“He collapsed so Rin and I took him back to our dorm, he’s ok and is just resting now.” There was no point lying. They would find out what Suguro had done to himself sooner or later.  
“If it’s not too much of a hassle could Shima and I come see him?” He said shifting his glasses.  
“Sure, I’m heading back now.” I quickly tapped out a message to Rin, telling him what was going on then set off down the hallway, I noticed the whole time Konekomaru was talking, Shima was being uncharacteristically quiet and he shifted around nervously. No doubt they knew what was going on.

-Shima-  
I thought he’d gotten better.

I’ve known Bon since I was a baby, we hung out almost every day as kids. So when one day I found him soaked in blood, passed out on the temple floor I didn’t know what to think. He promised me he wouldn't harm again but even so, Koneku and I have been keeping a close eye on him, apparently not close enough. Koneko told me this morning he was suffering from migraines so he went ahead without him. He’d been doing so well neither of us expected him to do something like this. I should have been there for him.

-Rin-  
I was saved by the door.

I unlocked our room to find not only Yukio but also Koneko and Shima. I noticed Koneko avoiding eye contact with me and I don’t blame him. I stepped to the side to let them in. The first thing Yukio noticed was the bowls on the side.  
“This is why we don’t eat in the bedroom,” he sighed picking the bowls up.  
“Well I wasn’t going to make him go into the dining room do eat, was I?” I snapped back at him.  
“I wasn’t saying that I was saying that I was saying it could’ve took them down after you’d finished. If I find a single grain of rice anywhere I don’t know what I’d do with you,” Yukio growled.  
I was going to shout something else at him but realised that 1. Suguro was asleep 2. We had guests and 3. I didn’t want to hurt Yukio anymore.  
“Sorry, I’ll take them,” I said, voice dropping low and solemn. Yukio watched as I left but I just kept walking away.

-Suguro-  
I woke up to the sound of Rin shouting, by the time I’d opened my eyes he was nowhere to be seen. I had no idea where he was, but I did notice Koneko and Shima, shit.  
“Bon! You’re awake!” Shima called, I could see the relief in his eyes.  
Koneko smiled as well.  
I don’t remember a blanket before I passed out, someone must’ve put it on me. I decided there was no point hiding from them, by voice shook as I said, “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who is sticking around. I really appreciate everyone who leaves kudos and lovely comments! Thanks again guys!
> 
> Edit(12/07/19): lol got writers block, I’ll try to update as soon as I can


	4. I think it's time I told you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suguro finally comes out and to some very positive results ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup squad. Con's are over for the year, I've binge read the manga and now I'm on a creative streak. So I decided to write another chapter. I'm very sorry if I go on random hiatuses as you could probably tell from the fic I don't have the best mental health and I've been suffering with it for a while now. So yeah sorry about that. Anyway finally got it done so well done me. Enjoy :)

-Bon-

I told them about everything, well almost.

I kinda left out the part about Rin, about my feelings and my hate towards them.   
“I should probably apologise too,” Shima said from out of nowhere.  
“What, why.”  
“I should’ve noticed, you must’ve been building it up for weeks and I didn’t notice. We could’ve gotten you help!”  
“Shima, it’s not your fault.”  
“But it kinda is.”  
“No it isn’t, you didn’t cut my skin, did you? It was me, my mental health isn’t your fault. If anything it’d be a lot worse if you weren’t here. It just got a bit much that’s all.”  
“But how?”  
Then I had to make a serious decision, do I come out and admit that I’m crushing on the son of Satan? Or do I stay in the closet and lock the key. I’ve made mind up, “Shima, Koneko, can you keep a secret?”  
“Of course, unless it’s dangerous,” Koneko said.  
“I guess,” Shima said.  
I noticed Yukio look around, then he asked, “Would you like me to leave?”  
“If you wouldn’t mind.” I waited for Yukio to leave and then I took a deep breath, “I’m…” I paused, “I’m gay.”  
The two stepped back, clearly shocked.  
“Are you kidding?” Shima asked nervously.  
“No,” My voice was serious, “and I like Rin Okumura.”

-Yukio-  
When I left I saw Rin waling up the hallway. I smiled at him, he smiled back. This day has been eventful and I need a drink.

-Rin-

After Yukio walked past me I got to the door of our room and overheard something.

Did Suguro say what I thought he just said? Does he like me? I pressed my sensitive ear to the wall and tried to listen in to see if anything else was said.

-Shima-

I don’t know how to react.

Like yeah, it should be fine for guys to like guys, no hate, but Bon? That was just weird. Not only that but crushing on Rin? Couldn’t he see that he has a thing for Moriyama? Anyway, I'm starting to understand why he harmed again, I wonder if he was dealing with something similar back then but I was too blind to notice. Though I still have no idea how to react, instead I laughed nervously, “Seriously man?”

-Suguro-

I felt the question cut through me like a knife, I shouldn’t have said anything goddammit!  
“Is that all?” Shima continued.  
“What do you mean?”  
“You say it like it’s some big thing, get with the times it’s totally normal. Though with your delinquent look you could’ve definitely picked up some hot chicks. Well, I guess more for me and Koneko, right buddy?” He elbowed him.  
“Yeah,” he laughed, “I fully support you but on a serious note you have terrible taste in men.”  
“I know,” I said.

-Rin-

Flames sparked around me. 

What did he mean ‘terrible taste in men’? I think I’m pretty hot stuff, I don’t see why everyone doesn’t have a secret crush on me! Though I still don’t know if I heard Suguro correctly; if I did I mean that’d be a relief because I can’t deny that I kinda definitely have been crushing back.

-Shima-

I glanced at the clock, crap it was getting late. “Hey, it’s getting late so imma head back now and you should get some rest ok,” I turned to Koneko, “you coming?” He nodded then got up too, we both headed for the door.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Bon asked.  
“Yeah, see ya,” I answered then I left. When I left I noticed Rin walking up the hallway, something was on his mind. I wonder if it was the same thing on Bon’s mind, no I’m almost certain he’s straight. But still...

-Rin-

When I heard movement I made an act of walking down the hallway to the door.

Shima and Konekomaru walked straight past me, as I’d expect. God, I’m so fucking shitty.   
What I didn’t expect was Shima to turn around, shoot me a smile and say, “Hey Rin.” And continued on his way.  
“Why?” I growled, staring at the ground.  
“Whaddya mean?” There was sincere confusion in the pink-haired boy’s voice.  
“Why do you greet me as if you weren’t avoiding me a few hours ago. You pretend I don’t exist then the best you can say is ‘hey’?” My voice wavered at the end.  
There was an air of silence.  
“Is that what you thought?” Shima muttered. He stepped towards me and said, “I sound like a right prick don’t I? Trust me it’s harder to avoid you then just be friends with you. I understand people have problems with Satan but I honestly don’t think that should be passed along to you.” He was now behind me, he turned me around and pulled me into a hug.  
“Woah man, what’re you doing?!”  
“You seemed like you needed a hug.” He bluntly responded. And yeah it was nice, I can’t remember the last time I was hugged, probably by my old man. A tear sprung to my eye and I hugged Shima back.  
“Thanks,” I muttered.  
After a few seconds, he pulled away, tapped me on the shoulder and grabbed my wrist.  
Crap.  
“Look, I know things can get tough but you should talk to someone no matter how hard it’ll be. You could even talk to your brother, he does care about you, you know.”  
“I just don’t want to burden him.”  
Shima laughed, “That isn’t the first time I’ve heard that one.”  
A pause.  
“I’m going to get going, take care of Bon will you?” Shima started to walk away.  
I nodded, “I will, thanks Shima!”  
“No problem, see you tomorrow!” And with that, he was gone.

I entered my room, Suguro was clenching his fist above his head, staring at his bandages.  
“Hey man,” I said.  
“Hey,” He grunted.  
I yawned and looked at the clock, it really was getting late.  
“You should get some sleep, you need to replenish your blood.”  
“I know,” he muttered softly.  
“Hey, what would you say if you wanted to ask someone out?”  
He placed his arm back at side and looked at me, slight blush colouring his cheeks, “Umm I guess something like, ‘Hey I think you’re really great and amazing and I wondered if you wanted to go out with me?’”  
“Yeah sure.”  
Suguro went bright red and stumbled over his words, “You...uh...what?...huh? what?!”  
“I mean if you would go out with me…?”

-Suguro-

No fucking way is this happening.

-Rin-

Suguro tried to sit himself up, his blush covering his entire face.  
“You mean it?” He asked.  
I then looked away slightly embarrassed, “Well, yeah…”  
He reached for my hand and held onto it tight.  
“I think I must be dreaming.” He said quietly, “I’d been blindly hoping you’d say those words for months. So yes, Rin Okumura, I'd love you be your boyfriend.”  
There was a pause and within seconds we were both bright red.  
“Then it’s official!” I finally said, moving closer to him, “can I kiss you?”  
“Please.” He lifted his head expectedly and I lowered mine. Our lips met in the middle, it was a soft kiss and lasted barely a second, but it was perfect.

-Suguro-

Widjvkskckskvkskvksjfkskvkskvksoskvjskckchkskslfowkkwoviwnvkapoviwjviosjdbiowpdpbksksovoiwjdiviwobpjdisisi.

-Rin-

After pulling away I yawned. Way to kill the moment I guess.

“You should get some sleep,” Suguro said.  
“Yeah probably.” I laid down in my futon then realised I was still wearing my shirt and trousers. I got up to get change then I glanced at Suguro, a smirk edging onto my lips, “you don’t mind, do you?”  
“Not at all.”  
I got changed quickly and once in loungewear I jumped onto my futon, ready to sleep, today had been a rollercoaster of emotions and I am ready to drift off into that comforting abyss known as sleep.  
“Hey, Rin?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but your tail? How did you hide that before? It’s pretty noticeable.”  
“Oh,” I sat upright. I pulled up my top and wrapped my tail around my torso, “I’d do something like this.”  
“Ah, I see.”  
I uncoiled my tail and laid back down. Suguro dropped his hand off the side of the bed.  
“Hold this.”  
“Your hand?”  
“Yeah.”  
I took his hand into my own, it was warm and comforting.  
“But Yukio will come back any minute!” I started to panic.  
“It’s fine. I doubt he'll question it.”  
“If you say so.”  
Suguro smiled at me. I got comfortable and I drifted to sleep, Suguro’s hand in mine.

-Yukio-

When I returned to our dorm room both Suguro and Rin were fast asleep.

When I stepped out I decided to get some work done. I checked in with Mefisto then did all the paperwork I needed to before heading back, being a teacher was tiresome.

So I returned around an hour or two later and when I walked in. I had expected them to have been in bed but I didn’t expect them to hold hands. But honestly, I couldn’t care about why this came to be. Hell, If Rin turned around and announced he was gay I couldn’t care! As long as he was happy and not harming I was happy. Suguro seemed to be looking better, the colour had returned to his cheeks, that’s always a good sign.

I decided to call it a night and I got in bed. Thankfully, it didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please say if you guys are enjoying this fic, I started writing it before I watched Kyoto Saga so I was going off the anime. Now I've read the manga and I might need to rework the story a bit. I'm also the type of writer who just goes in headfirst without a plan so I am going to take my time and figure the story out before I start to post more frequently.


	5. Meeting The Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Exwires go to Kyoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW DECADE!! I know I am super inconsistent but after watching Falsettos I got depressed and wanted to write this fic again. I also tried to move into Kyoto Saga/manga storyline so I have some direction on where this is going. I finally have the story all planned out (I even have an ending in mind ^^) so we back on track. Writing will pretty much be whenever I have the energy to but the story should be finished by the Summer. So thank you to everyone who keeps checking back in and also hey to all the new readers. I'll stop rambling now, enjoy the chapter.

-Rin-

I was rudely woken up the next morning by none other than Yukio.

I don’t remember seeing him there last night so he must’ve been doing some teacher stuff or something boring like that.  
“Come on Rin get up!” He shouted.  
“Five more minutes,” I mumbled into the pillow.  
“You’re going to be late for training.”  
I reluctantly sat up and glanced over to my bed, Suguro wasn’t there.  
“Hey, where’s Suguro?”  
“Never mind that, get yourself ready first”  
I crossed my arms, “I’m not getting ready until you tell me.”  
“Fine, he’s downstairs eating breakfast, you can join him if you hurry up!”  
“Oh ok.” I then got changed then went downstairs to get something to eat. My food was already laid out on the table, my bowl next to Suguro’s.  
“Hey man,” I greeted, he nodded in response, I smiled.  
I quickly ate my food and upon finishing I placed the bowl in the sink. Yukio stood by the door when his phone buzzed. He took the phone call and I eagerly listened in. 

-Yukio-

I put the phone to my ear and said, “Hello, this Yukio Okumura.”  
The voice on the other side said, “Hello, we need you for an immediate summons, the left eye has been stolen from the deep keep.”  
“Stolen! I will be there right away.” I grabbed my coat and headed towards the door.

-Rin-

After Yukio put his phone away I quickly rushed towards him.  
“Can I come with?” I asked eagerly.  
Yukio glanced at me and said sternly, “No, you’re staying here.”  
I pouted but I wasn’t ready to give in that easily, “I thought you wanted to keep an eye on us.” I smirked as I spoke.  
It was clear Yukio had given up. “Fine, come on then,” he sighed.

-Suguro-

I don’t know why I was dragged into this.

-Yukio-

Upon arriving I presented my ID and was ushered through the crowds. Rin and Suguro tagged not too far behind. Shura immediately spotted us and asked, “What are they doing here?”  
“Long story, can you keep an eye on them?”  
Shura sighed, “Fine, but you owe me.” She then took both Rin and Suguro under her arms in a headlock. I walked towards the exorcist who was being treated for myazma infections.  
“I’m an intermediate exorcist, first-class, Yukio Okumura.”  
“I’m glad you’re here. I’m Saburota Todo, my rank is senior exorcist, second class, I’m the Deep Keep’s warden, I keep watch over the left eye of the impure king. The academy had it sealed away in the Keep but it was stolen. He was wearing a gas mask so I couldn’t identify him, he took a boy as hostage and released the myazma. He ran into the building behind me with the hostage and he hasn’t left yet. The myazma has infected over 30 people already.”

-Rin-

I can’t believe he did that!

Damn that freckled four eyes, he agreed to take us, so why did he just fork us off onto Shura? My head was stuck between her big breasts and her arm but I managed to slip out of her grip leaving my boyfriend behind. I chased after Yukio, who was now entering the abandoned building.

-Suguro-

I saw Rin run by out of the corner of my eye. What is that dumbass doing?

-Rin-

I caught up to Yukio. He was talking to this guy with two-toned hair and they were both wearing orange biohazard suits.  
“So what’s up with this left eye thingy?” I asked

-Shura-

Rin gave me the slip. 

I paused and groaned in annoyance. I decided to let go of the other boy, “Rin is gone.” he said.  
“As if I don’t know,” I sighed.

-Yukio-

How the hell did Rin get here?

“What are you doing here?” I ask, “Where’s Suguro and Shura?”  
“Still outside probably,” he replied nonchalantly.  
I sighed.  
“So can I carry the bird? What’s it for anyway?”  
“It’ll stop chirping when it detects myazma,” Todo answered.  
“Ah ok.”  
We continued deeper into the darkness.  
“Hey guys, it’s stopped chirping.”  
“He’s nearby.”

-Suguro-

Miss Kirigakure and I were sitting outside.

“Should we go in?” I asked.  
“Nah, knowing those two they’ll be don’t before you know it.”

-Rin-

We managed to save the hostage but it was Yukio I was more worried about. It was clear Todo was taunting him, his words must’ve really got to him because when it came time to treat the hostage’s myazma his hands were clammy and shaky. He even stabbed himself with the needle! I hope this will just be a one-off thing. Though I can’t really focus on that right now because I’m getting scolded by Shura.

“You were told to stay put,” she hissed.  
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”  
“So why’dya go do it?”  
I glanced over at Shura.  
“I don’t know so don’t yell at me, kay? C’mon Suguro, let’s head back.”

-Suguro-

Something happened in there, I’ll have to ask Rin about it later.

I felt something vibrate in my pocket, Koneko just text me. I pulled my phone out at checked it.  
“No way!” I gasped.  
Rin turned around and asked, “What is it?”  
“The Kyoto branch has been broken into, lots of monks are affected with myazma.”

-Rin-  
Before I knew it, we were on a train getting ready to head to Kyoto.

-Suguro-

After being vaccinated against the myazma and treated with holy water. I walked out over to where Rin was sat. I took the seat next to him with Kurro curled up on the end seat. I discreetly linked mine and Rin’s fingers together, our knees were also touching. Shima and Koneko took the row in front of us and when Kameki and Moriyama turned up they were in the row across from me and Rin.

“Hey Suguro, did you know there’s a tower in Kyoto?” Rin said bright-eyed. I don’t personally care about sightseeing, especially not in the town where I'm from, but Rin’s child-like excitement got me excited too. Rin rested his head on my shoulder and at first, I froze up but then sunk into the embrace.

-Shiemi-

I glanced over at Rin, he’s getting pretty close with Suguro. I’m glad he’s making friends. I haven’t been able to talk to him since I found out about the demon bite, I don’t even know if it had healed yet. (Though it probably has). I wonder what Yuki is up to, is he on this mission too?

-Rin-  
When the train stopped Suguro gently shook me awake.

“We’re here,” he muttered.  
I slowly sat upright and started to gather my things. I handed Suguro his bag and we got off the train. Along with the rest of the exwires we followed behind the other exorcists. Kurro was comfortably sitting on my shoulder as we walked. Suguro and I knocked our hands together a few times but we didn’t actually hold hands just in case someone saw.

-Shima-

They’re not very good at hiding it.

Or it might just be me noticing if more either way I hope Rin can be a positive impact on Bon because heaven knows he needs it. Anyway, we were packed onto a bus led by none other than my brother. I pray that no one figures out we’re related.

-Suguro-

Shima’s brother, Kinzo, introduced our mission though I wasn’t paying that much attention because Rin had locked our hands together again.

I didn’t even know we were staying at my family’s inn until we arrived. Though the staff noticed me right away.  
“Bon!”  
“Welcome home Bon!”  
“I’m here on official business so can we chill it out!” I growled.  
Kinzo continued anyway, “I didn’t even recognise you, sorry about that, man.” He then called my mother who immediately rushed in.  
“Ryuji, my boy!” She said softly before pulling at my hair, “What the hell did you go and dye your hair for? What do you think you are, some kind of rooster!” She yelled. I could hear Shima sniggering in the back, I ignored him.  
“It’s for motivation,” I say. Honestly, I’m glad she’s yelling about that and not the fact I’m wearing a long sleeve shirt in summer.  
“Change it back now!” She continued to shriek.

-Shima-  
I knew she’d flip out about the hair.

-Kameki-  
I’m sick of all this yelling.

“Should we go..?” I ask meekly.  
The woman goes quiet then says, “I’m so sorry, where are my manners? Nice to meet you, my name is Torako Suguro, I’m happy to finally meet my son’s friends.”

-Rin-  
“She’s his mother!?” I accidentally said out loud.

“Yup, this is Bon’s home,” Shima explained.  
“I thought he lived in a temple?” I stated, confused.  
“It was,” Toriko started, “But it couldn’t make ends meet anymore. Luckily I inherited this inn from my family.”  
Shura soon arrived, thanked Toriko and gave her a gift, she instructed Suguro, Shima and Koneko to spend time with their families. Personally I would’ve liked to spend time with my boyfriend but I guess I’m not that important. Instead, I was led to help the wounded, although it seemed they didn’t want my help.

-Suguro-

We went to see Shima’s dad.

I feel bad leaving Rin behind but it’s going to be suspicious if I randomly start introducing him to everyone. When we entered the room Yaozo was in; Shima immediately rushed to his side.  
He’s been badly infected with the myazma. I was told no one had died though, so that was good.  
“It’s good to see you’re doing alright,” Yaozo said.  
I thought it would have been more obvious to everyone that I’m wearing a LONG SLEEVE SHIRT IN SUMMER or maybe I’m just being paranoid, yeah, it's probably that.  
“Konekomaru, your arm. You must’ve fought a pretty tough battle.”  
“It was tough yeah and I would’ve been dead if it wasn’t for-“

-Koneko-  
Rin saved me, if it wasn’t for him I would’ve been dead.

-Suguro-

Whilst Koneko was having a slight mental crisis, Shima wanted to get some attention from his dad.

“What about me! I fought that battle too!” He stated.  
He was replied with a punch as his dad yelled about him dying his hair.  
After they’d finished I quietly asked, “And my dad, did he get hurt like everybody else?”  
“Master Suguro happened to be visiting the field office when the attack happened. He got shaken up but he’s ok.”  
“Where’s he now?” I asked.  
“We don’t know,” Mom answered.  
I immediately felt that familiar rage wash over me, “Dammit” I muttered.

-Rin-

Since I had nothing better to do, I wandered around the inn.

Kurro thought that right now was an appropriate time to nap on my head. I was stopped when someone called out, “Hey you there.”  
When I walked over I noticed two watermelons, I excitedly called out which woke Kurro up.  
The man then said, “If you cut these up and hand them out to the injured you can have a slice yourself.”  
“Aww yeah, I’ll chop these up real good!” I said, picking up a watermelon.  
“He smells like alcohol,” Kurro noticed.  
“Yeah,” I whispered to him. Turning to the man I asked, “Have you been drinking? That ain’t very monk-like”  
“Haha, busted. It’s so hot I couldn’t help myself,” he laughed.  
I felt something pang in my heart, this man reminded me of dad. Crap now I’m feeling all low and sad again.  
“A degenerate holy man, you’re just like my dad was.”  
He laughed again, “I like you kid, so what’s your name?”  
“It’s Rin Okumura, so when are you going to tell me who you are?”  
“Didn’t I tell you already?”   
I shook my head   
“I guess not,” he continued,” I’m Ryuji Suguro’s dad.”  
“No way!” I exclaimed. His parents are nothing like I imagined!  
He laughed again, “I’m telling the truth, can’t you see the resemblance?”  
I looked hard but still couldn’t see it, “Not really, Suguro looks way-” don’t say hotter, don’t say hotter, don’t say hotter “-cooler.” Nice save.  
“You think? Sounds like you and my boy get along pretty well.”  
You can say that again… “I guess, but we kinda weren’t on speaking terms a few days ago.”  
“Well at least he’s talking to you now! He constantly pissed off at me.” He laughs again.  
“Suguro can be difficult-” and hot, so very hot.  
“I hear you there.”  
“-but he’s really a good guy.” And he’s hot. God fuck he is sooooo hot. How did I get to date someone as wonderful as he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. It kind of got a bit rushed but oh well, also Rin pines a LOT over his boyfriend. Idk when the next chapter will be out (maybe on the 4th of Feb so all you manga readers get double the Blue Exorcist content on one day ^^) though don't bet on it. If you're actually enjoying this mess make sure to bookmark it and check in to see whether I actually had the energy to write that day :). I'm really grateful for every Kudo I get and I get extra excited when I see a comment (even if it's asking for the next chapter). So yeah, thanks for reading and hope you have a great day/night.

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys want a second chapter (maybe with some Rin x Bon) I’ll write another. If I do it’ll probably be about Rin seeking help not only in Yukio but also in his classmates and friends.
> 
> Edit (30/04/19): Thanks for your support, it really does mean a lot. I am working on a second chapter but I am very busy (my birthday today, con on Saturday and Mum’s birthday Sunday) so I’ll try to get it out as soon as possible. Thanks again! :)


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